It's been a while.

For all possible meanings of it. It's been a while since I posted here, and since I've felt like writing something. Tonight, I must vent out, cause I feel like shit.

Back in the early ages of humanity, there were MMORPGs called muds. Those things, they fuck up your mind, fucks it up real good. A good friend of mine had warned me about their negative sides, and how dire the consequences. Of course, that same person introduced me to muds, and I've been wasting hours, no, thousands of hours of my life into it since then. Never before has it been affecting me this greatly. When it gets to you however, it grips you, tores your fucking heart, mind and body apart, and leaves you in plump pieces of flesh, that bleeds its life through all the uncovered areas. In other words, everywhere. For those of you that play MMORPGs, beware. Seriously, those things are dangerous.

It's been a while since I felt human. And now that I do, I say shit, humans suck. For the people that believe in Creationism, let me ask you something. How in Satan's name could God create such fucked up beings? Did he copy himself? Are we replicas of him? If we are, he is fucking flawed. The world would be much, much better with an army of non-thinking, non-feeling organisms. Or, it'd be much better if there was no life, a bleak and empty place where nothing happens. I swear there must be a way to prove using some stupid theory of philosophy that the world would be much better if it never existed. Like Douglas Adams said, "In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." That guy was a genius.

I've long regarded people that vent and rant on their life on a blog as losers. Sorry to those of you folks that do it, it's just that I didn't understand you. It is also one of my beliefs that I am personally one of the biggest losers, but it's been more than 5 years now since I felt the need to express myself, and write. It's been a while. Does everyone that feels like writing must feel like shit? If I was to reformulate this using my previous line of thinking, I'd have to say that writing must be done by humans. It's unfortunate that being human is such a crappy state. It's been a while since I've felt alive.

It's been a while, since then. I haven't been insane in quite some time, it was bound to happen. Your grasp on reality starts to change, and suddenly, instead of watching your life as a stranger, you are yourself. That is some pure bullshit. What's going to happen is, suddenly you're going to feel artistic, start drawing, writing, playing music... I've long despised artists. For the last 5 years, at least. Artists.. well they have feelings, so necessarily, they are lower beings. Instead of living their life for others, they do what they do for themselves. No one will sculpt anything, if it wasn't for themselves. And if they do, well it's for money, and I do not consider it Art. Basically, artists are self-centered losers. Serves them right, keep flipping your freaking burger, I need it by 12h45 cause I've got to work, unlike you.

My humanity works like a backward stock market. Sometimes I regain some of it, but over a longer period, it's bound to go down. And yes, you should invest in stocks if you want money 20 years from now. It's not the safest way to earn money, but down the road, it's the one that offers the best rate of return and is really pretty safe. Back on humanity, I know that today, I regain some of it. And, I wish I'd lose it. If I can keep up the negative thinking long enough, I can end up even more jaded and cynical. How cool would that be?

It's been a while since I've wrote a complete piece of crap that doesn't mean anything to anyone but myself. I hope it'll be a long while, let's hope something close to infinite time, before I do it again. I disgust myself.

It is nothing to die; it is horrible not to live. ~Victor Hugo

I fucking wish I was born dead.