Diary of a Vampire

Hi, for those that read this, please disregard it. I know I have no writing skills, I'm doing this for erm... Yea, no reason. Narcissism. If you read this and go "WTF?" (I know who you are) don't worry. Just don't read it.

Another night.

Darkness creeps on me. Cold, biting darkness, one of which I haven't felt in many years. I feel the hunger, the lustful need for blood, and do not want to yield. This town... I have lived here for the longest part of my immortal life. And yet, I find no reconfort amongst its walls, its people. I know none of them. Who are they to me? What am I to them? I appear as one of the mortals, take care in making my passage unnoticeable. To my kind, they are but prey. I cannot let myself get attached. They will all disappear and crumble through the passing of the ages. I will not.

Or maybe I will... I grow weary of this. I thought I'd be here forever, under the Moonlight, seeking. I thought myself strong, I thought... I don't know what I thought. I could choose to see the sun, the warm rise of Dawn, one last time... before burning to ashes. Life's path turns and twists around itself. I'm at a fork, but there is no bench where to sit and think.

I like to wander these dark alleys, stealthier than my shadow. The buildings are old now, and dirty. Garbage and excrements pile up on the side of the street, and no one cares. People keep walking. Look at this one, searching for a round purse. So many thieves in this town, and the guards don't do anything about it. And that beggar, alone. I gaze at him. His rags, from the colourful garments they were, are now pieces of soiled fabrics. He shivers. I don't know when was the last time he took a bath. His hair is a tangle of dark strands. His hands are stained with dirt, and in fact, his whole body seems covered with dirt. So miserable, so pitiful... I look at his face, stern, resigned. Misery does that... I almost want to take him out of it. But then his eyes strike me. They are not the eyes of a haggard man, desiring nothing fro mlife. No, his eyes are clear, severe. The eyes of someone that wants to fight, for something he can't ever achieve. As long as hope doesn't abandon him, he'll be almost happy to live.

I envy him. I lost my will to fight, when even the poorest beggar still has it. Who is the most pitiful now. Suddenly, the bloodied craze invades me. No Little Drink for me tonight. I let the rage invade my being, my thoughts... Blood. It's been a while since I've taken the blood from a human. But now, I want it. I want to know someone through the communion of the blood... drain it, taste it, lick it, in an orgasmic rage. I pounce on the beggar. Oh, the exquisite scarlet liquid... Salty with misery, him and mine, melted in the same body. I see through his eyes... Raised in a poor family. His young life, as a page. The endless runs through the temple, bringing parchments to the scribes and the clerics. His hope of being a scribe himself someday. The death of his sister, the pale face resting on the only pillow in their house. The blow it dealt him. I feel like crying. He agreed to serve as a slave, to pay the fees to bury her in a real coffin, deep in a mausoleum. How he eventually fled, lived a life of outcast, far away from everyone that mattered to him. Ended up in this city, as a beggar. It's so easy to tumble down the mountain. And then the connection stops. He was thirty-six. I drop the lifeless body, the lump of white flesh. More blood on my hands. One more burden.

Burdens... I can only accumulate more and more of them. There is only one way to end this. Should I? In a blur of speed, I enter the faire. I walk the path I've walked so many times before. Lake Mitha under the Moonlight. No wind blows... it's a dark mirror, the mirror of my soul. Black and deep, eternal. All around me, the laughters of the commoners. The fun, the games, the lights. Are they alone in the crowd? Or is it just me? The sound in the faire is deafening. I can hear the joy in the mortal's voices... And in this place, silence. Respite for my sins. Not far from here, the clearing. I do not wish to enter it. Not tonight, not now. I don't think I can bear it.
I sit down in the tall grass, trees all around. Outside, the serenity of the Night. Inside of me.. the turmoil, the pain. It's hard to contain. Blood drips out of my eyes... the tears of a vampire. I wipe my face with hands colored by the life source of a human being. Blood inside, blood outside. Pain... Life. Life, pain. Entwined, fusioned, that is my destiny, to carry on, like that, alone. Until one day, it stops.

I have to choose my day.

-Day of Deception, 22nd the Month of the Battle 746 AI.

Dark emptiness. Cold and heartless.
Silently, sadly,
alone.
Life for eternity.
I walk, stumble, stop, a mess.

Eternity is just a moment.
In an instant.
I walk, stumble, stop.

Pain is forever.
I'll always remember.
I walk, stumble.

Dreams of might have been.
Blindness I've seen.
I walk.

Scarred by the lashes.
Ashes to ashes.
I.

Life in uncertainty.
Death is certainty.
.