Balade à Toronto

It's funny how not being at "home" makes everything unreal. Funny how the lack of sleep makes it surreal. And funny how something virtual becomes so real.

Regarde! Les étoiles!

When you feel disoriented, when the entire world seems to spin and toy with you, it's always good to have a point of reference. Something, somewhere, someone that makes you say "This is real. This is my life." Rarely can we find one. For some reasons, the older you become, the more confused you are. Nothing is as simple as it appears to be, and what was rock-solid before is now as elusive as a shadow.

Tant qu'il y aura des étoiles sur le bord de la route nous pourrons nous arrêter...

Humans have always looked at the stars. Navigators, astronomers, even astrologers. Shining stellar bodies, alone or in clusters. Seems they always striked our imagination. I believe each and every one of us has at least one they look at. One that brings us comfort, just knowing it exists.

Tant qu'il y aura des rivières nous pourrons nous baigner...

Constantly changing environments is destabilizing. You need to re-adjust to your surroundings, make it yours, make it home. But there are those markers that help you... Taking the train back to Montreal, it didn't feel like home. Only when the Five Rose sign start flashing did I realize, that's it, I'm here. But where is "here"? What is "home"? I don't truly believe in it. Having traveled, you know that everywhere could be your home. The place matters not... the location does not possess you. You possess it.

Et que plus jamais rien ne redoute d'autres destins que celui du doute...

But a location is just that. What matters most... is the people around you. Those radiant stars you look forward to. The people you just can't leave behind, lest it breaks you. The ones you cannot bear see leaving, cannot even imagine them doing so without sobbing like a baby. Family, friends, lovers, each of them that touched you and that you hopefully touched.

Jamais je n'oublierai les étoiles sur la route de Toronto...

To those radiant stars, that stay constant through the flow of time, to whom you look at in the night to garner strength, whose presence shines down on you, those that make you feel alive... I say thank you.

Thank you.

~Balade à Toronto, Jean Leloup